I really miss FH today. I sent him a card on Wednesday and he hasn't said anything about getting it--I hope he gets it soon. I want to make him smile.
I cried today when I was picking up the condo and saw the second card I got him. It's a blue card with a quote about looking at the stars, each time it twinkles it's me saying i love you and i miss you. I really miss him. I miss looking at the stars with him. I miss cuddling. I miss not having anything in particular to do. I miss seeing him. I miss kissing him. I miss hugging him. I miss his smile, his laugh, his eyes, his goofy antics, his baby voice, I miss everything about him.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
SO PROUD!
So yesterday, FH had a quiz. It turned out to be a group/class quiz and he answered the second question out loud to the whole class and got it correct!!!! I'M SO PROUD OF HIM!!!!!! He's so smart and working so hard out there!
We also discussed when I may be able to come see him. It may be August 21!!! I'm so excited :) Only 23 days (it's close to midnight :) )
We also discussed when I may be able to come see him. It may be August 21!!! I'm so excited :) Only 23 days (it's close to midnight :) )
Monday, July 26, 2010
Really having difficulty...
FH called me. He's really struggling to stay awake. I know the feeling but the bad thing is he can't drink ANYTHING while in the school's rooms so keeping water (or coffee) nearby isn't an option. It worries me. He already talks about coming home. I can't let him give up this dream that easily...
Really missing him...
Even though FH and I didn't get to see each other everyday, I loved being able to just call him and say "I love you" but I can't really. I don't know his class schedule, he's super busy doing HW, and I just want to chat. But I know I can't, he will ENJOY talking to me so much so that he has a hard time telling people he can't talk due to other things. He's just polite like that, which is nice but at the same time, can be harmful to his studies.
Today was his first day of class. He said he was super tired and could barely stay awake during "orientation". Then this afternoon he had a 200-something question exam to see where he stands. OH JOY!
Today was his first day of class. He said he was super tired and could barely stay awake during "orientation". Then this afternoon he had a 200-something question exam to see where he stands. OH JOY!
Sunday, July 25, 2010
FH's first day tomorrow
So I just got off the phone with FH. He has 100 pages to read for Tuesday, has been at it since 1pm today and is only 1/3 of the way done. Textbooks are crappy reads! Plus they take forever. He's already discouraged and second guessing his move & wants to quit. I know it's just talk but I feel bad for him. I know, he's a big boy but he's so lonely out there!! He has no family out there and he normally relies so heavily on his mama, daddy, and aunts/uncles...and me. I just hope he keeps his head where it needs to be and doesn't get down on himself.
Friday, July 23, 2010
...
FH & I packed up his stuff and left for PGH yesterday. He wanted to leave at like 9am but that didn't happen..nope! We left at 6pm-ish. Finally got there around 10pm and unpacked everything. We hit the sack atounr 2-3. I called in sick to work at this time, so I could stay with him all day today. We both slept in his bed...his TWIN sized bed. So you have a 6'4" guy sleeping in a twin bed--bad enough, then you have me--the bed HOG, sleeping in a twin bed with 6'4" man. We woke up around 9am and got ready for the day. This consisted of shopping for Wi-Fi so we could search Craigslist for a desk, dresser, bookshelf, and night stand. No luck. We went to a local furniture store that his roommate got his desk and the couch from and checked out the clearance section. Found a kitchen table with a few, minor, nicks in it and after driving to Target (and potentially giving up the kitchen table!) FH decided on the kitchen table. Seriously. It's a great size for a computer, printer, and 2837489372489732 books filled with information to save your life one day. No luck with the dresser or night stand but he found a bookshelf to buy and will get that tomorrow.
*SIDE NOTE* We can use the kitchen table when we get married!!!
Ok, back on topic. Once he bought the table, we went grocery shopping. We went to Aldi's. Did you know you needed a quarter to get a cart?? Apparently you do, they give it back to you, but still. While shopping, we checked prices to make sure he was actually getting some type of deal (you'd be surprised, some things are more expensive at Aldi's than they are at Wal-Mart!) We went back to his house and put all the groceries away, along with FH and his roommate unloaded the table. I helped FH get that set up with his computer/printer and some school stuff. Then it was time to say good bye. Before his roommate and roommate's GF left to get beer, they hugged me and said "bye" to which I was really hoping that after a long/hot day of shopping I didn't smell.
There was nothing good about it. I don't even know when I'll see him next. It's all dependent upon his school schedule and he gets his syllabi on Monday/throughout this week. I cried before we even left his apartment. Held it together as I walked up the stairs, put my stuff in my trunk and cried from then on. We hugged and kissed and hugged some more. I got in my car, started it, and then got out to hug him more times. He waved goodbye and I was off around 6:25pm.
Three hour drive ahead of me and all I had to manage to do was stop crying long enough to get out of my car, get gas, and not look like a crazy person. I only cried the first 40 miles, which is a lot better than the 180 I was anticipating. I stopped and got Krispy Kremes on the way home then stopped near a well known sporting goods store to get gas. Right when I got back on the highway there was a TON of traffic. Through that traffic jam/construction area and another traffic jam/construction area--I got home 50 min later than I thought I was going to. It sucked. Luckily for the last hour of the drive, FH called me and we chatted the whole time. When I left he went to a neighbor's apartment and has pitas so I couldn't call him the whole time, which was probably for the best. I probably would have turned around and went back. He enjoyed himself which I'm happy about. There's no reason for either of us to be miserable while we're apart. Being apart is inevitable, but being miserable isn't.
I got home around 10:45-11pm and hung out for a bit before going to bed around 2ish. FH and I talked a little bit more on the phone once I got settled in. He kept telling me how much he's always loved me but didn't quite realize HOW much until I was driving away. It was so sweet.
*SIDE NOTE* We can use the kitchen table when we get married!!!
Ok, back on topic. Once he bought the table, we went grocery shopping. We went to Aldi's. Did you know you needed a quarter to get a cart?? Apparently you do, they give it back to you, but still. While shopping, we checked prices to make sure he was actually getting some type of deal (you'd be surprised, some things are more expensive at Aldi's than they are at Wal-Mart!) We went back to his house and put all the groceries away, along with FH and his roommate unloaded the table. I helped FH get that set up with his computer/printer and some school stuff. Then it was time to say good bye. Before his roommate and roommate's GF left to get beer, they hugged me and said "bye" to which I was really hoping that after a long/hot day of shopping I didn't smell.
There was nothing good about it. I don't even know when I'll see him next. It's all dependent upon his school schedule and he gets his syllabi on Monday/throughout this week. I cried before we even left his apartment. Held it together as I walked up the stairs, put my stuff in my trunk and cried from then on. We hugged and kissed and hugged some more. I got in my car, started it, and then got out to hug him more times. He waved goodbye and I was off around 6:25pm.
Three hour drive ahead of me and all I had to manage to do was stop crying long enough to get out of my car, get gas, and not look like a crazy person. I only cried the first 40 miles, which is a lot better than the 180 I was anticipating. I stopped and got Krispy Kremes on the way home then stopped near a well known sporting goods store to get gas. Right when I got back on the highway there was a TON of traffic. Through that traffic jam/construction area and another traffic jam/construction area--I got home 50 min later than I thought I was going to. It sucked. Luckily for the last hour of the drive, FH called me and we chatted the whole time. When I left he went to a neighbor's apartment and has pitas so I couldn't call him the whole time, which was probably for the best. I probably would have turned around and went back. He enjoyed himself which I'm happy about. There's no reason for either of us to be miserable while we're apart. Being apart is inevitable, but being miserable isn't.
I got home around 10:45-11pm and hung out for a bit before going to bed around 2ish. FH and I talked a little bit more on the phone once I got settled in. He kept telling me how much he's always loved me but didn't quite realize HOW much until I was driving away. It was so sweet.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Leavin' on a jet plane (or a Dodge Dakota...)
FH leaves tomorrow. For some reason, it hasn't hit me yet. IDK.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Strength...
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"
Found this on one of the WB girl's statuses...couldn't be more appropriate!
Found this on one of the WB girl's statuses...couldn't be more appropriate!
It's about to happen
So, my friend is being induced on Tuesday. I'm guessing the little one will arive at 6:38pm...
Then either Wednesday or Thursday, FH will be leaving for school. The day depends on when his roommate mails the key (FH's not on the lease yet...so no key & the roommate will be out of town finishing some things up).
I'm sad. I could cry, probably, at the drop of a hat. But now's my time to lean on my friends, as they've leaned on me in the past and just "get through this". It won't be easy, but I have to make plans with my friends, I have to read some books that I've been putting off so I can spend time with FH. Ok, all that sounded like he doesn't let me do anything--not the case, but with my friends spread out for hours in either direction it's easier to make plans with FH who's 30 minutes away at any given time. And the books--well it's hard to read when you're with the person you get along with so well!!
It'll be weird but I look for these entries to pick up in frequency but at the same time--I sort of hope they don't. I hope I get to talk to FH often and I hope I stay busy with other things. FOr starters--my computer is broken. Not sure WTH happened to it but it's broke and I'm on my mom's stone-age computer. Surprised this simple site hasn't made it crash yet *knocks on wood*
I started texting my friend from the wedding forum I'm on..she's such a great support. I'm so lucky to have a "stranger" in my life who is such a caring individual. She's not really a stranger though, just someone I haven't met in real life yet. However, I am meeting 2 other girls from the forum for lunch/dinner i a few days. One is from OH anyways but the other is driving through OH for her HM (from Ontario!!) so we're all meeting up and having some lunch/dinner at the local shopping center. It'll be LOTS of fun!!
THe last weekend before school starts--the 28/29 of August, is a boat show in northern OH and a friend invited FH & I up there. D/T school, FH can't make it but I made sure it was ok and invited my other friend to go up! Hopefully she wants to go--I think it'll be LOTS of fun!!! Plus, the friends that live up there are realllllly close to the people running the show so hopefully we'll get some VIP treatment! ;)
Over & Out...about to dive back into my most revent read--New Moon. Yep...3x through it and I'm STILL team Jacob!
Then either Wednesday or Thursday, FH will be leaving for school. The day depends on when his roommate mails the key (FH's not on the lease yet...so no key & the roommate will be out of town finishing some things up).
I'm sad. I could cry, probably, at the drop of a hat. But now's my time to lean on my friends, as they've leaned on me in the past and just "get through this". It won't be easy, but I have to make plans with my friends, I have to read some books that I've been putting off so I can spend time with FH. Ok, all that sounded like he doesn't let me do anything--not the case, but with my friends spread out for hours in either direction it's easier to make plans with FH who's 30 minutes away at any given time. And the books--well it's hard to read when you're with the person you get along with so well!!
It'll be weird but I look for these entries to pick up in frequency but at the same time--I sort of hope they don't. I hope I get to talk to FH often and I hope I stay busy with other things. FOr starters--my computer is broken. Not sure WTH happened to it but it's broke and I'm on my mom's stone-age computer. Surprised this simple site hasn't made it crash yet *knocks on wood*
I started texting my friend from the wedding forum I'm on..she's such a great support. I'm so lucky to have a "stranger" in my life who is such a caring individual. She's not really a stranger though, just someone I haven't met in real life yet. However, I am meeting 2 other girls from the forum for lunch/dinner i a few days. One is from OH anyways but the other is driving through OH for her HM (from Ontario!!) so we're all meeting up and having some lunch/dinner at the local shopping center. It'll be LOTS of fun!!
THe last weekend before school starts--the 28/29 of August, is a boat show in northern OH and a friend invited FH & I up there. D/T school, FH can't make it but I made sure it was ok and invited my other friend to go up! Hopefully she wants to go--I think it'll be LOTS of fun!!! Plus, the friends that live up there are realllllly close to the people running the show so hopefully we'll get some VIP treatment! ;)
Over & Out...about to dive back into my most revent read--New Moon. Yep...3x through it and I'm STILL team Jacob!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
So I told him...
Today, while I was driving home from FH's house we were talking on the phone and he asked me "Why haven't you said much about me leaving for school? Does that make you sad?" (of course, this is in his baby voice he uses...that i LOVE) I explained to him that I *am* sad but that I'm also incredibly happy for him. It's just difficult when someone you rely so heavily on for support and happiness isn't there. He's such a big part of my life (obviously), it's ALWAYS noticeable when he's not there. But there's nothing wrong with him pursuing his DREAM, his CAREER, his GOAL in life. It's an amazing thing that he gets the chance to do this!!! He understood where I was coming from which I expected seeing as we work so well together.
Might I add, that we successfully installed his antenna in his car after he tried himself (and with a friend) and wasn't able to do it correctly? Oh yea, my ((awesome)) car skills aside -bahaha-: we make an amazing team!! Seriously, we work so well together. This is another thing I'm going to miss. He leaves in freakin' TWO weeks. This sucks. In those two weeks, my friend will become a MOM. A MOM! That's like the biggest life event. It's huge. In those two weeks, I'll be in the delivery room with her and saying goodbye to the love of my life for ~3-5 weeks at a time.
LOVELOVELOVE <3
Might I add, that we successfully installed his antenna in his car after he tried himself (and with a friend) and wasn't able to do it correctly? Oh yea, my ((awesome)) car skills aside -bahaha-: we make an amazing team!! Seriously, we work so well together. This is another thing I'm going to miss. He leaves in freakin' TWO weeks. This sucks. In those two weeks, my friend will become a MOM. A MOM! That's like the biggest life event. It's huge. In those two weeks, I'll be in the delivery room with her and saying goodbye to the love of my life for ~3-5 weeks at a time.
LOVELOVELOVE <3
Fictional Characters?
I've began re-reading Twilight again. After seeing Eclipse I wanted to pick the series back up. It's kind of nice to live in another person's "love story" where even though Edward eventually leaves, he also eventually comes back. Bella and I can miss our men together? Oh man...I'm becoming friends with a fictional character.
I had a few minutes today where I just wanted to leave work and go spend time with FH. *sigh*
On the bright side, my pregnant friend is 1cm dialated. She has her final tomorrow and then she can have that baby WHENEVER she wants!! HAHA That's what I keep telling her. It's so exciting that she'll be a mom (and an amazing one at that). I was with her from beginning to end. I was with her when she took the test. And re-took the test. And re-took the test. Then accepted it. Sort of. Then re-took another the next morning. Then I went to a class with her to learn about how her body would change throughout pregnancy and such. The baby shower was on June 13, with my mom and roommate's help. They're the best. Mom made her a quilt by hand and I bought her the Vera diaper bag she wanted (with my roomie's help)! It was so nice much fun to plan it all but the guests were pretty boring. The new mom's sorority sisters were all bitchy and the one who was supposed to help plan it all didn't do ANYTHING, the other one that showed up was totally disrespectful, and the rest of the people didn't know each other/were old and not into the games.
Random enough post, huh?
Also, one of my "good" friends is now BFF with a girl who's hurt me NUMEROUS times throughout the past 3 years. And my "good" friend KNOWS this, all of it. Gee, thanks for the betrayal. Is it bad that I hope she hurts her how she hurt me JUST so I can prove my point? Eh, oh well.
I had a few minutes today where I just wanted to leave work and go spend time with FH. *sigh*
On the bright side, my pregnant friend is 1cm dialated. She has her final tomorrow and then she can have that baby WHENEVER she wants!! HAHA That's what I keep telling her. It's so exciting that she'll be a mom (and an amazing one at that). I was with her from beginning to end. I was with her when she took the test. And re-took the test. And re-took the test. Then accepted it. Sort of. Then re-took another the next morning. Then I went to a class with her to learn about how her body would change throughout pregnancy and such. The baby shower was on June 13, with my mom and roommate's help. They're the best. Mom made her a quilt by hand and I bought her the Vera diaper bag she wanted (with my roomie's help)! It was so nice much fun to plan it all but the guests were pretty boring. The new mom's sorority sisters were all bitchy and the one who was supposed to help plan it all didn't do ANYTHING, the other one that showed up was totally disrespectful, and the rest of the people didn't know each other/were old and not into the games.
Random enough post, huh?
Also, one of my "good" friends is now BFF with a girl who's hurt me NUMEROUS times throughout the past 3 years. And my "good" friend KNOWS this, all of it. Gee, thanks for the betrayal. Is it bad that I hope she hurts her how she hurt me JUST so I can prove my point? Eh, oh well.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Downward spiral...
So now that the long 4th of July weekend is over, I feel like we're on a downhill slope before he leaves. We were looking at computers online last night and they'd all be delivered in the final days he is here which just makes me realize how soon that is! (and how slow the computer companies build computers). I don't like this feeling of things slipping away like this. It sucks. I like to be in control, if you can't tell. And to have things out of my control? It sucks! Luckily FH only works the next 2 days and is off the next 8 so we can spend LOTS of time together. :)
Monday, July 5, 2010
Weeks leading up to leaving...
So, I have about 2 weeks until my fiance leaves for school. It's really eating at me, him being 3 hours away. My family just doesn't *GET* it. They think since we go 3-7 days without seeing each other that this will be easy for me. It's never EASY, even when we are only 30 minutes away when he's at home. Those 3-7 days SUCK, really bad. It's not fun. It's also hard for people to understand how much you struggle with it especially when they LIVE with their SOs. It also is the icing on the cake that our conversations will be very short and mostly in between classes/while he's driving to school.
I've had several times with 4th of July weekend where I've gotten teary eyed. I don't want him to know I'm sad/upset already. He's already (hopefully jokingly) suggested him not going because it would just be easier. I will NOT take this dream away from him. I will NOT be that girl. This blog will be where I express my frustrations/sadness/bad days, not to him. Having an exam every 3 weeks over 1000-1500 pages of material is enough to drive a person batty, let alone having a needy fiancee who is demanding a long phone conversation. I don't think I'd read 1000-1500 pages on my own...for fun in 3 weeks. Let alone 1000-1500 pages of TEXTBOOKS, if nursing school has taught me anything, it's that reading a text book sucks HORRIBLY.
Yeah, I'm a nursing student. I'm about to start my senior year. It'll be a journey.
Our original wedding date was to be June 23, 2012 but due to the board exams being that summer (right about when our wedding would be!) and him going straight into rotations shortly after, a wedding isn't really plausible that summer. Summer 2011 just makes sense, except my older sister is getting married 9/10/11 and is beyond pissed about the wedding being before hers and "stealing her time" before her wedding. Shooooot--didn't know we had entire SEASONS leading up to our weddings. Anyways, my dad said he can't financially pay for a portion of the wedding due to his house payment going up and him already having paid for part of my sister's wedding which is TOTALLY fine but he also wants FH and I to wait until he's out of school...yes! SEVEN YEARS!!!!!!! Where did he get this to be a good idea??? A 7 year LDR is NOT cool and FH and I don't want to live together before we're married so that's not an option. It's really looking like we'll have to go against my dad's wishes and just do it next summer. FH's parents thought our original wedding date was SO far away, 7 years?!?! GOSH! I'm seriously ready to just go to the courthouse but I know we'll regret it.
I'm out, I need to run errands.
Live in Love
Live & Let Live <3
I've had several times with 4th of July weekend where I've gotten teary eyed. I don't want him to know I'm sad/upset already. He's already (hopefully jokingly) suggested him not going because it would just be easier. I will NOT take this dream away from him. I will NOT be that girl. This blog will be where I express my frustrations/sadness/bad days, not to him. Having an exam every 3 weeks over 1000-1500 pages of material is enough to drive a person batty, let alone having a needy fiancee who is demanding a long phone conversation. I don't think I'd read 1000-1500 pages on my own...for fun in 3 weeks. Let alone 1000-1500 pages of TEXTBOOKS, if nursing school has taught me anything, it's that reading a text book sucks HORRIBLY.
Yeah, I'm a nursing student. I'm about to start my senior year. It'll be a journey.
Our original wedding date was to be June 23, 2012 but due to the board exams being that summer (right about when our wedding would be!) and him going straight into rotations shortly after, a wedding isn't really plausible that summer. Summer 2011 just makes sense, except my older sister is getting married 9/10/11 and is beyond pissed about the wedding being before hers and "stealing her time" before her wedding. Shooooot--didn't know we had entire SEASONS leading up to our weddings. Anyways, my dad said he can't financially pay for a portion of the wedding due to his house payment going up and him already having paid for part of my sister's wedding which is TOTALLY fine but he also wants FH and I to wait until he's out of school...yes! SEVEN YEARS!!!!!!! Where did he get this to be a good idea??? A 7 year LDR is NOT cool and FH and I don't want to live together before we're married so that's not an option. It's really looking like we'll have to go against my dad's wishes and just do it next summer. FH's parents thought our original wedding date was SO far away, 7 years?!?! GOSH! I'm seriously ready to just go to the courthouse but I know we'll regret it.
I'm out, I need to run errands.
Live in Love
Live & Let Live <3
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