I've suffered from depression for many years. I'll have my good streaks where I can go months at a time without feeling depressed at all, but for about 10 years I've had feelings of depression (actual depression, not just sadness). It's a tough thing to deal with. Not only do you have to just push yourself through rough patches and the extremely difficult days, but you also have to deal with all the people in your life not knowing or not understanding what going through depression is like. They may think so, but unless they've ever faced depression, they don't have the slightest clue. They don't know what it's like to sob yourself to sleep, to feel worthless, to feel like a freak, to not understand why you feel this way, and to have to deal with regular life on top of it all.
After several break downs over the past several months, and an extremely tough one earlier this week, I am starting the "rest of my life" tomorrow at 4:30. Tomorrow is when I meet with a counselor for the first time. I am so excited to begin this journey and to start feeling better and feel myself again. I know it will take time, but I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel of finding a resolution to the low feeling inside of me.
Depression is such a hard hard thing to deal with. The thing that sucks the most is 1. the unpredicatbility of it. and 2. the fact that youknow no one will ever truly understand why you irrationally feel the way you do. To many that's what it looks like is irrational emotions. To me it is raw and painful.
ReplyDeleteThe only peace I started to feel was when I dealt with my own daemons. Even then the depression lingers and certain things or even people can trigger it. I know a lot of it is because I didn't 'finish' my counseling. I didn't go further enough into the past to deal with it properly.
I wish you all the best hun. You are taking such a positive and hard step forward. I promise it wont go without rewards :).
<3